steve finished and submitted a huge writing project he was working on! yay!! we were going to go to the Isle of Skye for a few days this week, but have decided to wait a few weeks on that. SO... we are cleaning out the house this week, packing, and putting things up for sale that we won't be taking back to the states... such as our car=) sadly we won't be adding this license plate to our collection... they stay with the cars in the UK, as opposed to with the owners as it is in the US.
i'm also working on getting the guest bedroom ready for naomi. right now it's being used for stuff getting packed.
all this cleaning means stirring up bugs and spiders, so i'll be on the hunt for them in the next week. we've discovered a new bug. it's large, black, and really hard to squish. i'm really hoping it's not cockroaches. gross gross gross. this is a really old house and we've found it full of "wildlife". i think i'd rather deal with spiders than these creepy black beetles... or whatever they are...
4 weeks today till we find out the gender! it's been a weird time, having to wait 8 weeks from one ultrasound at 12 weeks, to the next 8 weeks later at 20 weeks. so weird to think about the idea of there being another human in our lives... for the rest of our lives... a boy or a girl... crazy!
i'm so thankful to have made it this far in this pregnancy. i found that the miscarriages sort of isolated me from people (by my own doing and/or other people's not knowing how to interact with me)... but i found comfort in the friends/family/family friends that shared stories and their own pain from losses... but now i feel somewhat guilty, or just sad, that some of their stories haven't reached happy endings (we haven't yet, but i feel more hopeful that we're on our way)... maybe i'm isolating myself from them, but know how i felt and i don't want to be put in the category with all the "normal" "casual" families... i'm still scared and i think i always will be. i've been forced to face the fact that this child i'm bearing could be ripped from my life at any point... and really, it was never mine... i just get to be the guardian for a while. sobering. i still need my friends who know pain... i feel closer to them than i do families who haven't faced loss. maybe that will balance out... i hope so. i've been in this funk for the last year and am so longing for some light. god has always brought good out of my pain. i know he will again... i'm just waiting to be on the other side so i can see it all clearly and come to life again=)
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