so after our scare last weekend, we are still in this. it's been another week full of all the hardships of a first trimester and i couldn't be more happy about it... reassures me that everything's on track. it's given me a sense of humor at times when i'm super weak. i don't know what to say about god... i was cursing at him when last friday when i was bleeding (sorry if tmi), then the next day apologizing for my conditional faith. he's been working on my faith. i feel so peaceful being on the happier side of a scary time. we find out thursday if the baby is healthy... has a heartbeat and is growing on track. milestones we've never made it to. i'm surprised how calm i feel... could be partly because i'm a little distracted by how sick and tired i feel all day=) i feel like, if god can grant me peace in such a time as this, after two previous losses, then i believe he'll be there to hold me up when i'm overwhelmed the joy that will come when i finally get to hold our healthy baby. i've thought till now that maybe i'm not meant to have this love because the joy of it would overcome me. bring it=)
oh ye of little faith, why did you doubt?
there is still a twinge of fear and doubt in the back of my mind... waiting for thursday, but i'm so thankful to be here in today.
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