yes, scotland... it's raining!!!

ahhh! where to start... hmm...
adjusting. pretty much sums it up... it is absolutely beautiful here for sure. chilly most of the time, but i love the temps. i prefer cooler weather.

we are in the middle of getting adjusted. our landlord has made it much easier than it could've been on us. all the cultural differences including driving on the left side of the road, voltage differences, pounds vs dollars, celsius, centimeters, etc! steve's doing well with driving. i've yet to try, my name's not on the rental agreement (good excuse?). we're still waiting on many many things in the mail.
steve's term begins sept 27th. we've visited the school grounds and steve was given a desk assignment for the next three years. it's in a great place with a window looking over some old buildings. he is thrilled considering the other options (a desk in the middle of the room or one in a corner facing the wall!). this is where he'll set up shop and do almost all of his researching and writing during the next three years! we met some other students also starting their divinity phd this term. in the room where steve's desk is, there are 8 other desks and various shelving. there is actually a guy, andrew, that steve knows from denver seminary! there are several other rooms of desks that steve could've been placed in, so he's pretty stoked about this.

    we have met a few people, but i am still trying to clean up our home so i'm not scared of it! there are so many spiders and spiderwebs... and HUGE spiders!
i really like our landlord's wife debbie. we had dinner with them monday. she's actually from pennsylvania... the valley forge area. she shared a lot of the struggles she went through when she moved here with her (scottish) husband. she shared about her church and about her ministry with the female university students. after they asked us loads of questions, her husband ken said debbie and i are really similar in a lot of ways. she also told me about a couple other artists that attend their church... one is an older (older than me) lady that has purple streaks in her hair. i think we'll be great friends=)

god has brought a lot of things together in different ways that have encouraged us, and he's also letting us struggle still... for me as i struggle through more adjusting and figuring out what/where god wants me to be in this season. i have looked forward to this season of peace. more time than i've ever had to just sit with him and converse/pray. i haven't done this since i was single. i used to be in constant conversation with him throughout my day and i felt like he spoke to me through everything around me... that was a rich time of my life, spiritually. i'm so tired of trying to juggle everything and feeling like i barely know him... i feel like i'm throwing my life at him now. my life is stripped away from me and i feel raw, but there's something really peaceful about it.
     ...all my normal entertainment has been delayed in getting here (my paintbrushes aren't here yet, i ordered some canvas but it also isn't here yet, our dvds don't work in uk players, netflix and pandora both don't work in the uk, uk wii games won't work in our US wii, my knitting is somewhere between MI and here, our US cell phones are off and i can't text people in the US, so all my relationships that were mostly text based, have dwindled, and more).
i think everyone should have to go through the adjustments that come with moving out of state at least, but to another country if possible. i think since the move to denver was only 4 years, the feelings and struggles i went through then are fresh on my mind, so i think this will be easier in some respects and i am SO thankful that we went through that. it was a sort of warm up to this move.

we are so far away from friends and family in the states. my whole life up until this moment was spent there, so all my relationships and all my concerns are there. i feel some sadness when i think about everyone and everything we're missing, but i know this time will fly just like our time in denver did, so i'm trying to soak it up.

there's a girl from the states who just moved here for her undergrad. everywhere i go i find myself in some setting working/hanging out with young women. i'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out while we're here!

i'd love to think that god will do amazing things in this time just as he did in denver, so although i have some frustrations and fears, i have a deep feeling of anticipation as we settle in for this season... and... i'm excited to paint some scottish landscapes, knit some blankets, go to football games or watch them with friends at local pubs=), god-willing start a family, learn some music, and hopefully just do life with the friends we'll meet=) 

PACKING!!!! ...again...

it stands thus...

One Steven Duby
One Jodi Duby
         vs
Lots of Crap...

let the battle begin.
thankfully we went through this once back in june, so really our stuff is pretty condensed now.  we just have to get about 10 bins of necessary stuff jammed into 6... all equal to or less than 50lbs each. ha=)

family

it's been done in movies, comedies, horror, romance, dramas... drama..., even science fiction.  family dynamics that make us smile, cry, laugh, sigh, scream, and swear like sailors.  i'm thrown head in into all of my family's... stuff.  this season for me has been trying.  starting about a year and a half ago and getting harder starting with the spring this year... continuing to escalade with the stresses of moving across the country... and then across the globe.  extended time in michigan (this is to be expected) has broken me in new ways.  family should take care of family... there's a fine line between that and taking advantage.  i feel tired of it... tired of allowances and excuses lending to continued irresponsibility.
   ...and at the heart of me i'm aching and in the fetal position.  it has broken me to find myself unable to share pain with my family.  vulnerability gets used as amunition.   i think i maybe knew this but hoped for better.  these are the people i long to be closest to as i move so often.  so what now?
be still before the lord and wait patiently for him?  trust in him and do good?  dwell in the land and befriend  faithfulness...
      faithfulness...  yes...
yadda yadda yadda but it still hurts?
delight myself in the lord and he'll give me the desires of my heart?  i'm seeing multiple meanings... one really nice, and one really deceitful... who are you god?
i wish i didn't need them.  still though, i sit here... steve... my best friend... there has never been a better lover.