i thought these days were over. feeling an emptiness i knew only god should fill. meeting my husband moved me out of this emptiness 5 years ago and let me move forward and discover who i am, the strength in me. sad it took getting married for me to pursue this. i am thankful for the journey.
now i grieve my empty womb. after frustrations with people in the way their pregnancies changed them and friendships, here i am. finally after years and years of knowing i wanted this, the time is here, but again i'm reminded that this is out of my control. i am broken again each month as my body starts over and i hit a wall. a hard truth that again, i am empty. this painful shedding is as blunt as it gets. i'll lay in a ball for 2-3 days in great physical pain. i feel somewhat thankful for it... my body is grieving too.
i will keep trying with open hands... as pathetic as i feel for letting this get to me so much. i wish i had been better educated that it could be like this. i know i'm not alone, but i feel it right now. until i move from here or until i meet someone else going through it... i think i am... well, sort of=)
so continues my journey.
we're moving and i lost my journal... thanks blogspot.
